There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize