True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
