my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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