I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
