We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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