Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
