I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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