I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
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