I'm gonna have a badass scar
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
