Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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