Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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