Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
