I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
