I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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