i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
