His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
