If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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