I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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