I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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