have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
