"it" just moved
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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