Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
