what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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