She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
