i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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