What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
