3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
