I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
