I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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