My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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