but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize