I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
