ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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