Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
