i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
