I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
