Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
