Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
