When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
