I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
