he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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