God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
