I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He shit in the fireplace
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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