The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
