You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize