Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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