he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
