As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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