I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
