I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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