in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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