i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
