do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
