im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
