he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
my poor anus
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
