Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
