Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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