Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
