it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
