I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
