dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
