here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
