Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
