oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
