So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
