ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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