She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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