I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
