the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
