Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My liver just had a heart attack.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize