ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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