My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
