I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Farmville is her only friend.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
being pregnant is like rehab
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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