I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They are going to name an STD after you.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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