Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize